Pain
by johnnnycadesgirl16
Summary: A songfic about Johnny's dad beating him, and how he'd rather get beat then be forgotten. Pain by Three Days Grace. Rated T just in case.


**A/N: This is my first attempt at a songfic. Be gentle.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders or Pain by Three days Grace.**

_Pain, without love_

_Pain, I can't get enough_

_Pain, I like it rough_

_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

No matter how much his father beat him, Johnny Cade would always come home. Whether it was because of his high hopes that his father would someday come to love him, or whether it was because Johnny would rather be beaten then ignored, he didn't know.

_You're sick of feeling numb_

_You're not the only one_

_I'll take you by the hand_

_And I'll show you a world that you can understand_

He walked in the door, immediately to be greeted by his drunken father. "Worthless kid," he slurred. He could smell alcohol on the man's breath. Johnny looked at the man he called his father. The man that enjoyed hurting him. The man that seemed to hate him. He winced as his father raised his fist.

_This life is filled with hurt_

_When happiness doesn't work_

_Trust me and take my hand_

_When the lights go out you will understand_

Somewhere, deep down, Johnny knew that there was no way his father would ever love him like a true father. Like a father should. At one time, his father _did _love him. It was long ago. So long that Johnny hardly remembered it. But his father did love him, he remembered that much. But all that love stopped years ago, when he picked up his first bottle of booze.

_Pain, without love_

_Pain, I can't get enough_

_Pain, I like it rough_

_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

Pain. Pain was something Johnny Cade knew a lot about. Physical, emotional…just about any kind of pain there was, Johnny had experienced it. Being beaten, yelled at. Whether it was inflicted upon him by his father, or by the socs, or by his screaming mother, it was pain all the same.

_Pain, without love_

_Pain, I can't get enough_

_Pain, I like it rough_

_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

Johnny actually preferred to be beaten by his dad. At least he knows he's there. It's better then nothing. At least, that's how Johnny looks at it. No matter how wrong he knows it is for his father to physically hurt him, he would rather be in pain then have his father forget about him totally. At least being a punching bag is better then not even existing…right?

_Anger and agony_

_Are better than misery_

_Trust me, I've got a plan_

_When the lights go off, you will understand_

Now, his mother was another story. Everyone knew about his mother screeching at him. Johnny knew it wasn't really his fault; his mother was just stressed because of his father. He didn't mind his mother yelling at him so much.

_Pain, without love_

_Pain, I can't get enough_

_Pain, I like it rough_

_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

His father slugged him in the stomach. He winced.

_Pain, without love_

_Pain, I can't get enough_

_Pain, I like it rough_

_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing, rather feel pain_

A beer bottle was smashed against the wall, narrowly missing the boy's head. He stared at his father in shock. He wouldn't kill him…would he?

_I know, I know that you're wounded_

_You know, you know that I'm here to save you_

_You know, you know I'm always here for you_

_I know, I know that you'll thank me later_

Johnny thought about how the gang hated his father. Johnny loved his father, and his mother, too, but he knew his love was unreturned. He hoped that by loyally coming home as often as the gang would let him (despite their attemps to keep Johnny away from his home, he always found a way to get there), he would earn their love.

_Pain, without love_

_Pain, can't get enough_

_Pain, I like it rough_

_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

_Pain, without love_

_Pain, I can't get enough_

_Pain, I like it rough_

_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

Deep down, Johnny liked getting hurt. In a twisted way, Johnny thought of it as his father noticing him, and even loving him. He thought it would lead to his father _really _loving him someday.

Or so he thought.

_Pain, without love_

_Pain, I can't get enough_

_Pain, I like it rough_

_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

_Rather feel pain than nothing at all_

_Rather feel pain_

With one final hit, everything went dark.

**A/N: review!**


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